You suck.
Love Always,
College Football Fans
Top 25 Rankings
- Arizona (52.953)
- USC (31.372)
- Florida (20.710)
- Texas (15.102)
- Wisconsin (13.620)
- Georgia (12.979)
- Kansas (10.644)
- Kentucky (9.157)
- Nebraska (9.067)
- Wake Forest (8.978)
- Rice (8.469)
- South Carolina (8.252)
- Minnesota (7.751)
- Oklahoma (7.620)
- Air Force (7.602)
- East Carolina (7.571)
- Alabama (7.399)
- Arizona State (7.238)
- Utah (7.004)
- Troy (6.945)
- Colorado (6.643)
- Indiana (6.243)
- Oklahoma State (6.206)
- Texas Tech (6.148)
- Auburn (5.804)
*Note: due to the late Hawaii win overnight, Florida shot up from #13 to #3 in the rankings. Starting to believe in the spreadsheet yet?
As expected, the rankings are quickly beginning to sharpen as the season progresses. Sure, there are still some bugs to be worked out [hint: it starts with "game" and ends with "cocks"], but the rankings are generally looking much better this week. For every odd man in (Nebraska, Rice, Minnesota), there are others that are spot-on according to the pollsters (USC, Georgia, East Carolina, Alabama). Unfortunately, New Mexico State's inability to play a fricking game as of yet has ripped a hole in the time-space continuum of my rankings spreadsheet.
I'm sure you're asking questions like "How the hell did Arizona get to be #1?" and "Exactly what demographic of American women does Whoopi Goldberg represent on The View?" Well, I can't help you with the latter, but I guess I do owe you some sort of explanation for these crazy rankings.
If we take a look at the spreadsheet, we see that Arizona crushed a now 1–1 Idaho team last week 70-0. They followed that up this week with a 41–16 beatdown of Toledo. While neither opponent is even remotely strong, the margin of victory definitely compensates. Just ask Tom Osborne. But don't worry—Arizona's strength of schedule is currently ranked 117 out of 120. This will ultimately bite them in the ass as the season progresses.
Other ranked teams worthy of explanation include Kansas (large margin of victory coupled with very few points allowed), Kentucky (ditto), and South Carolina (close road loss to ZOMG!!11! SEC team Vandy not as important as crushing shutout over NC State). For all the head-scratchers in the Top 25, you can't really say that it's any worse of a list than what the AP or Coaches come up with. East Carolina is being set up to be this year's USF and winner of the Steepest Parabolic Arc from Obscurity to #2 Then Right Back to Obscurity Award.
Time to hand out the weekly YFTS awards.
- The Traveling the Longest Distance to Get Your Ass Handed to You Award goes to Oregon State for their shit-tastic 45–14 performance in Happy Valley.
- The Sleeping Through Three Quarters Only to Pull the Game Out of Your Ass in the Fourth Award goes to Colorado, for heroically deciding to rally for 17 points in the 4th quarter of a home game to defeat I-AA Eastern Washington. (Ohio State was a close second.)
- The Shameless Drubbing of a I-AA Opponent in Order to Inflate Your Ranking Award goes to Arkansas State, for following up a legitimate big-time win of Texas A&M last week by hanging 83 points on Texas Southern. Dick move, Red Wolves. Dick move. (Florida State was a close second.)
- The Smooth-Ass Win of the Week Award goes to Rice, for capping a 29-point 4th quarter comeback with a 69-yard interception return for a touchdown against Memphis. That's smooth-ass.
- The Oops, I Shit the Bed... Again Award goes to San Diego State, for following up last week's bed-shitting against Cal Poly by losing to Notre Dame despite carrying the lead into the 4th quarter. Marshall Faulk is spinning in his grave. What's that? He's not dead? I bet he wishes he was.
7 comments:
Is coach's age a factor in your ranking formula? I'd like to think that Mike Gundy's manhood is helping OK State cling to a top 25 spot.
You didn't watch the Arkansas State game, did you?
We didn't pass the ball the second half. We were running our backup fullback straight up the middle, falling on fumbles instead of running them back for a score, waiting until the clock ran down to zero, and yet we couldn't stop scoring. This was all with our second and third teams. We completed 9/10 passes and it was already 52-3. ASU showed tons of class and could have beat this team 135-0. Bobby Reid scored a touchdown when they were down sixty and started taunting us. I guarantee their coach chewed him out for that.
What is more depressing for a team getting beat? A team giving you the opportunity to at least tackle them up the middle or a team taking a knee during the third quarter.
You should watch more, blog less.
Wait, the Arkansas State game was televised?!? Is there a Sun Belt Network I wasn't aware of? I gotta call Time Warner...
Seriously, I watched 13 hours of continuous coverage yesterday. Any more and I would've had a stroke. But thanks for the details on the game. It somehow escaped mention on Gameday Final. And we have a Bobby Reid sighting!
And of course I jest when I suggest that Arkansas State is classless. You realize that the Wolves' first victim this season set the modern-day standard for futility in a 77-0 loss to Oklahoma in 2003. And OU didn't even score in the 4th quarter. Bob Stoops decided that it was indeed less depressing to take a knee on the opponent's goal line than to run up the score. And quite memorably, there was even one Aggie who taunted the Sooners after the Aggies made a "stop" near the goal line. A "stop" made possible by OU essentially taking a knee.
So, you see, I was just trying to make a humorous juxtaposition between Arkansas State's week 1 and week 2 games. From a huge victory for the program to a lopsided drubbing of an inept I-AA team. The punchline is that Florida State, a school that used to run roughshod over the entire NCAA, is now resorting to scheduling not one but two I-AA schools against which it can put up scores such like 69-0.
We at Arkansas State have thin skin and tend to over react to any type of perceived disrespect.
Your satire is appreciated and we'll continue to follow your works.
ASU did turn down a field goal at the end of the first half. 14 points came from the defense and 21 from red-shirt freshmen.
Sometimes you are just over-matched and Lord knows I recall that feeling against Va.Tech when Arkansas State played its first game under Coach Roberts (VT was calling fair catch on punts I could have returned for 5 to 10 yards).
Goes around comes around used to be a favorite among coaches (before My Name is Earl enlightened us about karma) and coaches should be sensitive about sticking it to a team. I don't know if the fraternity of coaches is as strong as it used to be, but once upon a time when dinosaurs ruled the earth (Bear Bryant, Darrell Royal, Joe Paterno) and a good day was 3 tv games, a coach running up the score would get "paid back" by other coaches offended that a friend had been deliberately humiliated. I don't know that it happens any more.
Good call, Mark. Once again, I cite the 2003 Aggies.
10/11: W Baylor 73-10
11/8: L Oklahoma 77-0
Rarely does karma have such a rapid turnaround.
I remember back in the '90s when Top 5 regulars Penn State and Ohio State used to call off the dogs once the score had gotten to around 40-0 in the third quarter. That's when the benchwarmers came out and the losing team got some garbage-time scores. Penn State definitely called off the dogs against Oregon State this past weekend.
And I'm sure the amount of time a team has had success comes into play as well. Arkansas State is used to being on the wrong end of beatings (see October 2003), so it's probably nice for the team to get a favorable blowout under its belt for once.
I'm hoping Arkansas State paces itself so it can be this year's UL-Monroe and take out Bama in November. Fold, Tide, fold.
I agree that age should be a factor in the rankings. Old ass Joe Pa is on a roll. Remember the Aggie that said he was making a coffin for him? Yeah, me neither.
-D'Wayne Giles
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