The Hadron Collider Has Nothing on the Vortex of Suck Created by the ACC

I'm stunned, and frankly relieved, that the suckfest that was the Florida State-Wake Forest game Saturday night didn't create a super-dense black hole that would've brought about the end of existence as we know it. But there are still 11 weeks left in the season. I don't like our chances.

The Week 4 rankings are out, and even bias-free computer-generated rankings think USC is the shit. Alabama (#117 schedule strength) and BYU (#92 schedule strength) are jockeying for the highest position attained via blowouts over awful teams. And the Big 12 is quietly dominating the rankings with seven teams represented. Despite East Carolina's loss, the BCS Busters (BYU, Utah, Ball State, TCU, Tulsa) are still hanging around the party, hitting on hot girls they have no chance with and drinking the beer remnants from discarded red plastic cups. But you know that as annoying as they are, one of them might just get laid. Well... not BYU or Utah. I'm guessing they don't call them Ball State for nothing.

Top 25 Rankings

1. USC (25.546) +1
   
2. Wisconsin (21.217) +2
   
3. Alabama (18.561) +6
4. BYU (17.594) -3
5. Nebraska (13.325) +3
   
6. Texas (12.841) +6
   
7. Florida (12.217) -
   
8. Kentucky (10.129) +6
   
9. Georgia (10.062) -6
   
10. Utah (9.105) +5
    
11. Missouri (8.991) -1
    
12. Oklahoma (8.812) +7
    
13. Wake Forest (8.626) -7
    
14. Kansas (8.038) NR
    
15. Ball State (7.923) NR
    
16. Penn State (7.744) +7
    
17. Arizona (7.552) -12
    
18. Colorado (7.373) +3
    
19. TCU (7.100) +3
    
20. Tulsa (6.407) NR
    
21. Minnesota (6.376) +4
    
22. Connecticut (6.339) -2
    
23. Vanderbilt (6.247) NR
    
24. California (6.236) NR
    
25. Texas Tech (5.933) -8
    

Just missing the cut: Boise State, Oklahoma State, Northwestern, USF, LSU
Explanation of Rankings

Time to hand out some awards.

• The Kickin' It Old School Award goes to two programs—Georgia Tech and Navy—for running the triple option quite successfully over two 2007 bowl teams. Paul Johnson and protege Ken Niumatalolo keeps it real. Real old school.
• The Most Deceptive Undefeated Record goes to Northwestern, who is currently enjoying the sweet smell of being two games away from bowl eligibility. Unfortunately for Northwestern, they will likely still be two games away from bowl eligibility come December.
• The I Just Flushed My Chance for a Big-Time Program Interview Down the Crapper Award goes to Skip Holtz, who chose to go for it on 4th down late in the game against NC State rather than taking a chip-shot field goal that would've ultimately put the game out of reach. Well, there's still the C-USA championship... and the fantastic Liberty Bowl... meh.
• The Confidence-Builder Award goes to Northeastern, who allowed Syracuse to notch probably its only win of the season. What is it about teams who have movies made about them sucking so hard? Back when We Are Marshall came out, Marshall did its best to remind people of what it was like during that first season after the crash.
• The How Bad Is the ACC? Award goes to Middle Tennessee State, who is 0–2 in Sun Belt play after toppling Maryland, who is now 3–1 and a legitimate contender for the ACC Atlantic crown.
• The How Bad Is the Rest of the SEC? Award goes to Tennessee. And Mississippi State. And Arkansas. And Ole Miss.